a daydream evergreen

"Gift"
by Antoine.

I want to give you my heart
This is an urge I must satisfy

I carved it out for you, see ?
I wanted you to have this
so I reached inside
and pulled it out
I severed its ties to my brain
to make you happy

It's beating just for you
spewing liquid love in your name
and you can have it now
my thank-you gift
for smiling

I ripped this organ out of me
ruptured all these needless veins
It wasn't doing me any good
All it did was ache

But you touched it
Now it's pounding
so I wrapped it up in seaweed
and held it out for you

I want you to take this
It's here in my hand
waiting
but you
are not here to accept
this token of emotion manifest

No I can't find you
I'm waiting
bleeding loving
dying
the earth red-black

I want to see you so badly it hurts
My breath it bursts from my stomach
Shortage holds me captive high
and it takes me to the place where the lies go to lie
and where you promised

I want to hold you so badly it kills me
Swelling up my insides clench with
feeling and I feel it reeling
Everything we want to lock out
the sorrow anger guilt frustration bitterness retaliation
hurtful words a demonstration of my panging pained impatience

This is why I tore it out
I couldn't stand to live without the living

You will find me lying in our place
my eyes a daydream evergreen
my heart still beating through my fingers
soaking never in a puddle of not yet

When you're here
you can cry for the sake of crying
lie for the sake of lying
die for the sake of always wanting more to life

[see also: Ex-Isle]