with an elegant touch of cautious delicacy

[This is my first poem after an unfortunately long drought. Hopefully I've managed to retain something of note since then. Anyway, this free-verse love poem (of sorts) is the result of my trying to translate some very ugly thoughts into something more attractive and more real. I hope you enjoy.]

"The Rubicon Sequence"

(formerly "Dustswept")

by Siesta Lingo

Eyes closed,

I rest,

Legs crossed in front of me.

I lean back against the rough cold of this wall

At the spot where we made history

Many a day

By refusing to listen

To anyone, anything

But the whisper of the wind as it rustled our garments

And the soft flow of your voice in my ear:

A symphony of comforting words,

The therapeutic rhythms of what some might call love.

I set my hand upon the dustswept ground we've come to trust,

Open it,

Palm up, inviting.

I feel

Your fingers dare to tickle mine,

Grab on,

Interlock, entwine

The secrets of the universe.

The cool warmth of

The keys to your heart

Sends shivers up my arms;

I blame the wind.

You squeeze,

Clasp gently,

Firmly delve,

Silent, reaching toward my soul;

Release.

I reach around your frame,

Wordlessly encircle

The body of my thoughts

With an elegant touch of cautious delicacy.

Slowly, I relax my muscles;

Gravity

Guides me to your warmth again,

Shivers down my spine again,

Leads me to the token of my dreams.

I feel

The urge to demonstrate repressed desire;

I fear

You may not return,

With any well-intended measure of gusto,

This favour,

In spirit,

To me.

I feel

You lean;

I venture

To open up the windows

To my sight

Of what spectacular result envisioned I:

The ruby consequence of offering my company to you.

And as I open my eyes

And turn to glance

Upon your beauteous advance,

I am forced

To entertain the hapless solitude

Of having just remembered

You are gone.

to make any considerable progress

subject: the new year's resolutions
style: affirmative
source: Lois Lowry's Gossamer, Ch. 11, p. 51

"[They] rarely sleep.... They are a restless herd, these dark creatures who contain within them the most profound of all our fears, the hidden things, old guilts and failings that we will ourselves to forget.... Their energy is boundless. They [taste] the air, searching for the places where they will spew their loathsome holdings, waiting for deepest night....

"They are not bound by rules or limits, as [we] are. They prey on the most vulnerable. They have no mercy."

For the record, I despise it when anyone says "happy new years" to someone else. It is simply wrong. Even "happy New Year's" is pushing it. If it is New Year's Eve, you can say "happy New Year's Eve." If it is New Year's Day, you can say "happy New Year's Day." (Take careful note of the apostrophes.) But it is no longer either. So if you are wishing someone a happy new year, it is just that. "Happy new year." There is only one, folks. Thank you.

I am going to skip the checking-up-on-past-years part this time, at least for now, because it tends only to make me feel worse about myself. I am, however, keeping (or taking parts of) some of my old ones, which either I have yet to achieve, or I hope to continually achieve for as long as I can.

[Update:  My score for 2007 was 7:4. For 2008, 7:4 (not a typo), and 3 in limbo. Not too bad.]

0000. To keep my resolutions. Cross your fingers.

0001. To end up with at least a 4.0 this year. I mean, come on.

0010. To sleep less. I am tired of waking up at noon everyday.

0011. To clean my room. To the point where I can actually feel good about living in it. And just to be more organized in general.

0100. [Dependent on 0011] To redecorate, and finally get that ME.

0101. [Dependent on 0100] To make use of the System, filter out my thoughts, and finally get on with my life as I'd planned it.

0110. To relearn to read, through repeated practice. i.e. To read everyday. I am not going to set any definitive, numeric goals on this one, because I know I just need to be determined, and to at least start, doing a little bit at a time, until I can gradually work my way up to "acceptable." I really want this one to succeed.

0111. To avoid watching television "just because it's on."

1000. To write. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Rainbeast, and Purging Purity. At least finish one of them by year's end. I have yet to make any considerable progress.

1001. To be more confident, face my fears, confront my troubles, participate.

1010. To be accepted into college, and not have to pay too much (hopefully).

1011. To break away from my OCD and Tourette's until I feel marginally comfortable on a daily basis.

1100. To maintain my dream log, to improve my recall and lucidity.

1101. To break habits. This is one I have tried time and time again. But there are still a few cycles I have yet to bust.

1110. To sustain my hygiene satisfactorily. Brush my teeth, wear my bands, take better care of my contacts, et cetera.

Once again, I have 14 major goals. (I may add a few more as I think of them, or adjust these as necessary.) Wish me luck.