Wednesday, September 30, 2009

ma, in stream ?

I have to say this. I've been thinking it for a long time, and now I have to say it. Mainstream music sucks ass.

The song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk was remade into "Stronger" by Kanye West (gag).

The song "Apologize" by OneRepublic was remade into "Apologize" by Timbaland ("feat." OneRepublic ... ha, ha, ha).

The song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap was remade into "Whatcha Say" by Jason DeRulo (thank you, grammar).

The song "Heartless" by The Fray was -- oh wait. Well, still. Their version is infinitely better.

The one thing all these have in common is that they take a great work of art and make it exponentially uglier and basically worse in every possible way. They essentially *steal* the song, and just change it a little (usually hardly at all) to try to make it more "popular," thus rendering its musicality brain-dead. Why must the envious celebratties spoil the spoils of the truly talented ?

All I know is they need to stop. No matter how crappy your music is, if you will at least have the dignity to make it yourself, I will hold back my complaints.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

acceptants

I am accepted
because everyone else here
is just as desperate as I am
to be accepted.

Once they cease to be,
so will I.

Friday, September 25, 2009

hundreds of millions of

subject: more ramblings-on
style: rambling-on
source: Do I really have to ?

In stead of a quote, you can try this video that approaches what I am saying.

It is hard being the minority, because even when you know you are right, and even when there are tens of millions of other sane, intelligent people who know you are right, you always have to wonder how there can be hundreds of millions of people who claim to know beyond all doubt that you are wrong.

I have realized that, being at a new place where nobody really knows me, people talk to me, and they let me talk to them. Knowing no better, they assume that I have something important to say and that I have a right to say it. They are unaware of my reputation; they are completely oblivious of who I really am. It is an amazing sensation. I suppose I should enjoy it while it lasts.

I keep wondering when I will finally stop saying I should do things and instead actually do them. Nothing is holding me back now but my self, my cryptic habits, and my inherent insanity.

I ask myself now when I will decide to figure out what is wrong with me, and whether I should try to fix it. I think I am afraid that, by clearing all the "undesirable" traits out of my system, I will at the same time be obliviating all the unique nuances that set me apart from all the normal, socially acceptable people.

Having watched the season premiere of House, I am appalled at the sort of thing the shrinks are trying to teach him, the ways they are trying to "help" him. This Nolan guy, he is telling House that he should stop being miserable and influential and start being happy and worthless. I for one would much prefer the former. He actually tells House he needs to go to this work party, and learn how to be just like everyone else, how to make small talk and be sociable and likeable and boring. The nerve ! The impudence !

God, how I hate people. And I hate how my natural impulse was to begin that statement with the word "god," and how somehow that necessarily refers to the unoriginally-named christian God, and how I still can't think of any other interjection in the whole of the English language (or any other language, for that matter) that I could use to begin that sentence and still convey the same emotion.

I have to stay away from people at all costs, because the sole thought that satisfies my conscience in view of the world is the knowledge that I am better than them, that I do not comply to these social constructs, the unmalleable standards of acceptability. Looking at how stupid people are, the only thought that keeps me sane is the knowledge that I am not a part of all this, that I am above it, except in the worst of times. If I somehow became like the rest of them, I would cry. You don't know me well enough to be reading this if you don't know how much that means.

I play an online game. One. And I contribute actively to its forum. Unbelievably, there are people on this forum I actually like. One in particular. She uses proper mechanics in her writing: she knows how to spell, how to speak, how to capitalize, without fail. Her grammar is impeccable. She is intelligent, talented, artistic, motivated, hard-working, tech-savvy. She gets it. She is intrigued by all the right things, all the most intriguing aspects of life. But I do not actually know her. On one hand, it inspires me to know that, somewhere out there, there really do exist persons who matter, to themselves and to others who matter. On the other, it depresses me that it is damn near impossible to actually meet one of them.

I might do some things. I shall try to write more. But for whom ? It is hard to write when there is nobody around to read it, and I do not have the genetic capacity to read it to anyone (as I would love to do, at a poetry jam, and as theoretically I would be very good at doing). It is hard to write for nobody but myself. It is depressing, and tedious, and melancholy. I already know what is going to happen at all times. Nevertheless, I shall try to write more. And soon I will talk at you about gender, I think. Sociology rules. Fcuk.

[finished five 'til midnight.]

[Next night edit :]
Series premiere of Flashforward. A few comments I would like to make.

1) This is going to make me constantly wonder to myself, "what would happen if I fell unconscious at this very moment ?" It sort of makes you second-guess your decisions at all times. The game.

2) I really hope they don't try to portray that guy-who-stayed-conscious as necessarily evil, and start accusing him (or her ?) as having caused the whole thing. I can totally see them trying to pull that off. Just the fact that he wasn't affected, that he stayed awake, does not mean he perpetrated the affair. It could mean simply that he is somehow immune to the phenomenon, genetically or psychologically. In fact, this is much more likely. Because if it affected the whole world, how could it not have touched one guy who was standing right out there in the open ? Damn, the poor guy must have been freaked out of his wits.

3) Please don't make this a religious ordeal. FOX, I will stop trusting you altogether if you have one more character say this was Mr. God's doing. Good ol' God.

4) On a similar note, it depresses me that when someone looks up at the sky, you instantly assume they are looking toward God and his Heaven and whatnot. Even the nonreligious people do it; it is always my first impression; it has been deeply and heavily socialized into our brains. When someone looks up at the sky, we should instantly think they are pondering the vastness of the universe, or marveling at the intricacies of the night sky, or considering the expansive beauty of the cosmic design. Not Mr. God's plan. Good ol' God.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

minimal, is't ?

"twenty-two"

as i go through
life i just
keep falling further
asleep and i
sometimes can't keep
my eyes open so
i close them.

as the years
go by my eyes
close more
and more and
i know
one of these
days i will
not care to
open them again.

it is at
this time i
will cease to
see the distinction
between dreality
and reams.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

click to see all its glory

Normally I don't post others' pieces,
but this is too worthy of designation.
The purest work of art I have ever seen.
A poem, by Tom Milsom, entitled


twelve inches
of the stuff
fell from the sky
while you slept

it has made
three men
with the help
of little hands

so get up
and come down
to watch the sun
make every flake
sing
a song
of where
the world goes

under the weather
wet and preserved
is yesterday
and colour
sits in your eyes
evergreen
making angels

it used to sting
it used to kill
but we've grown up
and learned to play

and when you closed
your eyes last night
the world let all these
fat,
tired
clouds
make it something new

and now it is time
to show it
where
to go

Monday, September 14, 2009

something anywhere near their caliber

subject: love, reputation, depression
style: honest
source: Gilgamesh, Herbert Mason, p. 36

"Enkidu was alone with sights he saw brought on by pain and fear, as one in deep despair may lie beside his love who sleeps and seems so unafraid, absorbing in himself the phantoms that she cannot see ..."

Love is a curious thing. I know it isn't good for me. I know from years of experience on both sides, that overall I am happier, more self-confident, more clear-headed and reasonable, more productive, and more successful in my endeavours when I am alone than when I expend my efforts on other people. And yet I still subconsciously strive to have someone significantly in my life. Why do I do this ? Is it because of my raging hormones ? Possibly. Is it because I feel the societal stigmata resulting from my state of unaccompaniment, and know that I will not be fully accepted until I comply with the standards that we blindly expect of everyone ? Could be. But I like to think it is something more.

Let me tell you about myself. I am an atheist, a transcendentalist, a skeptic, a writer, a rebel, a social outcast -- all the things nobody ever wanted me to be. I am an independently-minded person, and above all I love solitude. I am no good at interacting with other people, I have no outstanding interest in doing so, and I never have. I prefer to keep to myself and watch you and study all the odd things you do and wonder how we got this way.

With all this in mind, I still enjoy from time to time a little attention. I like to sit down and talk with someone who respects me, to have some decent conversation about nothing in particular. I like to hit on someone every now and again; it keeps me going. And I like response. If I try to talk to her and she doesn't care, I feel as if I've done something wrong, and I become self-conscious and paranoid and wonder where I've gone awry. I suppose all these things are really inherently human, and yet I wonder why someone like me must still succumb to them.

I suffer with self-image and lack of confidence and concern for the decisions I've made, all the things I wish I had done, and the many things I will wish I had done several years into the future. I want so badly to be so much like certain other people, and I feel I will never be able to accomplish something anywhere near their caliber. I worry that I really have no talent at all, that I enjoy my works simply because I wrote them, and the fact that anyone else might enjoy them is in fact an illusion. Deep down, I really want to be a music major -- I would love that more than anything else -- but I don't think I have gathered enough talent in the years that have already passed to be able to do anything pleasant with it.

On top of all these fears, all this doubt and uncertainty, I think it makes me feel a little more alive, and life a little more worth living, when I am appreciated by an outside source. I think this is in essence the reason I still try to fit in. I still confuse even myself, though, in that my desired results vary so greatly based on the circumstances. Take a simple walk across campus, for instance. Sometimes when I do so, I think to myself "I hope I will see someone I know so that I will not be so alone," and sometimes I think "I hope I don't see anyone I know, because I really don't feel like having to deal with other people." This mindset often switches several times a day. From this, I can see why you wouldn't want to stop and take the time to talk to me, because obviously it is ridiculously unclear that (or when) I want you to. (And similarly, when I hit on you, you don't know if responding positively would only boost my ego or go further by making me dwell and think too much of the scenario.) So what should you do ? Well, although I despise the whole idea of small talk -- its intentions, its purposes, and its applications -- I suppose the most effective decision would be to try to force me to talk to you and see what comes of it.

But back to love (and I promise all these things are ultimately related). The whole idea of spending your life with one person is mediocre, juvenile, and outdated. And why, after all it has done to me, do I still (even when I have better things to do) go out of my way to pursue the potential for something akin to love ? Because I know that life sucks and consists of very little which will keep you occupied long enough to help you overcome the realization that nothing you do really matters in the end. And I know that, even with all the many problems I have, I am still on the higher end of the spectrum when you look at people's intellect, talent, dedication, and reason -- which is somewhat depressing. I know that life's events are boring and uneventful, and that what proceeds each day, in comparison to the last or the next, is little more than a different reaction to the same already-existent outside stimuli. I know that, when it comes down to it, all you can really do to make yourself feel happy is temporarily bandage your longest-lasting and most terrifying wound: the knowledge that you were born to die. I see that you live and you die, and nothing exciting happens in between; and so I conclude that there must be some missing piece I am yet failing to experience. And this I can refer to only as love. Without love, life is quite simply pointless. The only thing that gives your life purpose is the ability to convince yourself that you have attained something higher in value and in power than the very hands of Death himself, and love is the only drug I have witnessed with enough natural relaxant contained within to be capable of such a feat.

You don't make any sense either. Nothing does. What you see as truth is a direct cross-product of your daydreams and your fear of the unanswerable.

(I had to skip my Poli Sci reading to write this. But when inspiration calls, how can you argue ? And I actually don't feel bad about it in the slightest, because all these words I can see and I can feel and I can be proud of. What would I glean from reading someone else's observations that is more valuable than making original thought-clouds of my own ? Here I have learned something new about myself, and doubtless so have you. The effort I have expended toward this has come from my brain, rather than my eyes -- and the former feels no strain afterward. And alas, this has kept me wide awake. Before I started, when I was trying to read, I literally could not keep my eyes open. Switching my synapses from a passive to an active process has kept me from drifting. I see this as wholeheartedly healthy, and appreciably positive.)

[Posted two hours after midnight.]

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

adieu, capulet

First of all, "wherefore" means "why," not "where." She is not asking where he has gotten off to.

Secondly, there is no comma. She is not asking why he exists.

"Wherefore art thou Romeo ?" means "Why are you Romeo ?"

She is asking why he is Romeo, why that must be his name, why he must be a Montague, thus forcing the two of them apart.

Get it right, please.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

the unrecognized minority

subject: sociological stigmata, religion
style: foot-down
source: Terry Pratchett

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

I have witnessed a few societal attitudes and behaviour which I think are misguided and need to be addressed.

1) The first is the mindset toward atheism, the unrecognized minority.

All other minorities (racial/ethnic groups, women, even LGBTQ nowadays) are being given recognition and accepted for who they are and what they choose to believe. Atheists are shunned. There has somehow arisen an idea that all atheists are hostile and speak out violently and should be silenced in our society, when in reality they have virtually no voice.

United States religiosity
ReligionPercent
Christianity
78.4%
No religion
16.1%
Judaism
1.7%
Buddhism
0.7%
Islam
0.6%
Hinduism
0.4%
Other
1.2%

From this chart (source: WP, '07 survey), it is plain to see that christians are the only ones who have any real degree of voice in politics. But that's not all. Atheists are literally being silenced constantly in the media. Even on YouTube, users such as TheAmazingAtheist have been denied the privileges of Most Viewed, Most Discussed, et cetera, without any valid reasoning.

The most ironic part is that all the more minor affiliations (judaism, buddhism, islaism, hinduism) are respected for their beliefs and for their cultures. Respected, because at least they have beliefs, even if they are different.

And as for violence ... when you count up most wars caused and most deaths brought about, christianity has the worst track record of them all. It is a simple fact of history.

Finally, consider the following: How would your student body react if an atheist club were formed, and its members stood handing out fliers to everyone who walked by, and preaching the benefits of science and logic ? They certainly wouldn't be welcomed as the four Christian Clubs on campus. I foresee spite and disdain.

More information ? Listen to this fine young gentleman.

2) The second is the mindset that children and teenagers, simply because of their young age, cannot possibly have credibility or reason. The worst part is that people have convinced them to believe it. I read a comment on YouTube today, a part of which read "I'm only 14, so I probably shouldn't be talking."

Guess what ? This is wrong. It can be scientifically proven (though I don't have time to do it, but I'm sure someone has) that pre-teens and teenagers are the most credible and the most reasonable of any age group. Why ? They haven't been brainwashed yet.

People have an annoying tendency to become more closed-minded as they grow older. The younger generations should be listened to, because they still have an ounce of sense in their brains, compared to those who have lived for years and years under the influence of drugs like jesusphetamine and hallelucinogens.

Young people's minds still have the potential to be formed and melded. We can show them the way through logic and facts, or through pathos and hypnopaedia. Which, I ask, is more likely to breed healthy, curious, sensible adults ?

On this note, I assure you that I will not hate anyone based solely on their religious affiliation. I think I have said this before. It does subconsciously skew my view of your awesomeness ... but I recognize the power of hypnopaedia (even while awake) and I will not degrade you because of the corruption someone else injected into your mind. In most cases, you can't help it, and for this I feel sympathy for you. More on the origins of a person's faith in a future essay.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

timepiece

[Fixed the line spacing. Don't know how that got screwed up.]

"Timepiece"

Scene One [written 8.15]

Last Thursday night at 12:15
I took bus number seventeen,
intending to ride home from Loserville
and rest my weary feet.
I stepped aboard the vehicle
provided there to transport me;
I paid in change the driver's fee,
and turned to seek an empty seat.
To my astonishment, I found
nary a lonely soul around;
at this late hour, all that remained
(beside myself) was one old man
who sat pensively gazing out the window
contemplating.

I stepped forth down the aisleway,
past empty one through empty twenty-two
and stopped across the way
from this old man: seat twenty-three.
As I made myself comfortable,
I gave him the old once-over
to sort through all his eccentricities.

The man was aged beyond his years
(it showed through in his greying beard)
and draped himself under a tattered cloak,
shading his features. He
was grasping in his left hand cautiously
a willow walking-stick,
atop which was positioned a timepiece,
showing one hand pointing
to twelve and one to three.

I thought this an odd thing to carry
on one's person, but said not
a word (for fear I would disrupt
the fellow's focus). No, instead
I (keeping to myself) laid back
and took this opportunity
to close my eyes and rest my mind
and slip into a dream.

When I awoke, the bus was moving
still, and he still next to me;
but the peculiarity
that instantly stood out to me
was that his cane's timepiece showed still
one hand reaching for twelve
and one for three.

Scene Two [written 8.17]

I knew the bus had been in motion
long enough to pass at least
a few minutes of both our time;
and yet, here this man's clock seemed to
be stuck, its hands both
incapacitated. So (politely as I could)
I tapped him on the back --
he turned to face me, green eyes glowing
with a silent energy
that seemed it never could be extinguished --
and I expressed in brittle words
that there perchance could be
a problem with the workings
of the mechanism nestled in his grip.

The consequent response that left
his lips was not at all as I foresaw:
he simply chuckled to himself
and then assured me that
in fact the thing was running
just as smoothly as could ever be expected.
"See," he carefully explained,
"it's meant to tell the time.
It tells the time is 12:15,
and at this moment 12:15
is just the time it haps to be;
thus, no problem presents itself to me."

I, puzzled by his earnest words,
reached down to lift my pocketwatch
and to compare the image on its face
with that I swore to be
mistaken. Sure enough I found
my own watch thinking it to be
12:32; and this I showed off
proudly, as to prove he was at fault.

At this the old man softly grinned
and shook his head before addressing me:
"Son, knows your watch the time ?
Or does it simply know how many
times the secondhand has cleared
its sorry little orbit ? It knows
nothing of the movement of
the cosmos, or the balance of
the preordained and that yet to
be chosen. All it knows is how
to tick away one second to the next,
with no regard for any changes
that surround its silver frame.
Do me a favour, son, and take a look
outside your window there."
And so I did.

Scene Three [written 9.5]

I turned my head to see what this
peculiar stranger wanted for
my eyes. I wiped some condensation
off the glass from earlier
that day when from the sky had fallen
tears of cosmic pain, and there
I spied a lonely heart on his
way home from somewhere he did not
belong, a mother and her daughter
mid-step up the stairs to their
front door, a hurried woman with
a newspaper as cover from
the rain, a few more clumsy silhouettes
etched into night's dense, deep blue
canvas, countless parasols
in hand. I saw these figures, but
I saw them only as an image;
zooming by, but motionless,
a snapshot of their lives, and every
detail, each expression on
their faces, each position of
their limbs, characteristic of
a single freeze-frame moment in
their temporal existences.

Even the raindrops, as I looked
more closely, were, though liquid,
frozen stolid in the breathing
glacial air. I couldn't help but wonder
how the weather would react
if I unlatched the window and
invited my appendages outside.

These idle thoughts of curiosity,
however, quickly left
my head to be replaced with shock,
befuddlement at how this feat
could have been wrought, at what manner
of spell could have commanded this
entire world, presumably,
(save one bus what contained my friend
and me), to stop its actions and
surrender its mobility upon the spot.

[To be continued ...]

and now the opportunity arises

subject: spoken word
style: ambitious
source: Jacob Bronowski

"The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation."

On the Seventeenth (a Thursday), LB is holding Poet's Lounge.
Time after time throughout my writings, I have thought
that these words I have written deserve to be spoken aloud,
so that I can instill in them the very emphases and the spirit
with which I intended them to be read. And now the opportunity
arises, to be heard. I can't even imagine how it would feel
to receive some solid recognition, to have a judgment passed
on whether any of my stuff is truly "good."

In short, I want to read one of my poems.
The trouble now is deciding which ones.
I am taking the poetry collections from both my blogs
and condensing them down to the ones I really loved
writing. Maybe, eventually, you can help me decide.

And if you go to Long Beach, feel free to come,
8-10 on the 17th. Info here.
I may or may not be there to entertain you.