i want to stay

"zombie"

this is not the first time
i have been a zombie
i have been a zombie
before

in a perpetual
state of shock
not quite sure
what to do
or
how to feel

never
quite
awake
but
simply
there

i sit frozen
aimless
eyes glazed
over trying
not to think
of anything

awaiting the next
pang
of realization
of my misery
to flood my mind with
darkness
violent outbursts
trailed by breakdowns

for the first time
in years tears
spring forth from
the nowhere where
she cut me

unable to work
i am laden with it
it builds up
atop my heartache
applies pressure
by the pound

all i do awake
is cry and feel
sorry

so
i want to stay
in dreams

i want to stay
where i can save her
and when i do she
thanks me

i don't want to kill me
but i need a way to breathe
the salt closes my throat
the singult chokes me

if i cough up love
don't bother mopping
since i know no
one will notice