Friday, November 16, 2007

a pandemonic manifestation of your own imaginations

subject: Monopoly
style: rant
source: Erickson

"I am asking you to be honest .. as honest as you can be."

Why is it that at least 80% of the world's population (from experience, I mean .. I haven't actually polled) does not play the game of Monopoly correctly ? It kind of really ticks me off sometimes. There is a reason games have rules. I mean, sure, house rules are okay. I don't have a problem with putting your own touch on it. But at the same time, you have to know what the original rules are. You have to draw the line somewhere, and say: okay, this is how we're supposed to play, but we're going to play this way. When you blatantly replace the intended, innocent board game with a pandemonic manifestation of your own imaginations .. that crosses the line.

What happens when you play with friends ? With someone outside your little sphere of sodality ? Don't your rule sets conflict ? I'm sure they do. And what do you do thereupon ? You say, this is a hassle. And you put the game away. Because you are too lazy --no, worse, you are afraid-- to learn how to play correctly. Is it some sort of a blasphemy, therein, to play this sacred game with rules different from your own ?

Of course, this could be true for any game (of which you can modify the rules to your own selfish liking). But it seems to be especially common with Monopoly. I don't know what the deal is. Maybe they don't like the strict financiality of its premise. Then, I ask, why did you buy the game in the first place ? Maybe they think it takes too long to play. That, my friend, is true enough .. and is the reason Parker Brothers included rules for a shorter version. Using those would be all right; they are universally read and understood, and thus transferable amongst parties.

But no, you have to use your own creations (or those you have heard from friends, which could be much worse). $400, you say, if you land on GO. $500 (plus) for Free Parking. Oh, and you don't want to buy Atlantic ? Let's just pass it up, then. What you fail to notice, amid all the confusion (and disgruntled opponents, on the verge of quitting after you win $3,000 spontaneously), is that your rules only add to the length of the game. Your rules transmogrify a once-great game into the foolish, luck-oriented, ignorant, detestable rehash of Tiddly Winks that met its demise when everyone deemed it pointless and unfair on that Family Game Night years back. And why did they give up on it ? Because you have never played it right in the first place. (See what you have done ? It is rare, these days, to find a person decent enough to agree to sit down to Monopoly, after the rumors they've heard spread 'round about it.)

I love the game of Monopoly. Please try to not disgrace it any further. If you must play, make an effort to stick to the game itself, in its most natural and beauteous form. If that you cannot handle, I advise you to leave it alone and look elsewhere. You're not wanted here.

[ Sorry for my insistent use of the second person. I realize I may not be talking to you (though the statistics say otherwise). This is a rant, though, after all; and I didn't make any promises of formality. ]

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