Tuesday, October 30, 2007

two birds with one stone

subject: drawing / temper
style: narration
source: Hoshi

"We're fortunate, because we have words to communicate ourselves."

A week or two ago, I was sitting, bored out of my mind, and could not think of a thing to do. Usually when this happens, I do one of the only real activities at my disposal -- I out my trusty deck of cards and play a lonely game of solitaire, or I find a blank sheet of paper and put something on it. On this particular afternoon, I was not in the mood for cards, and I did not have an idea for writing, so I resolved to draw a picture.

Of what ? I asked myself. I hadn't a clue. I would just draw from the heart, and see what happened. Naturally I started with a diagonal line (the perfect start to any good sketch), then I drew another, and another. At this point I realized what I had was a beak, and I continued to fill in the bird's head and body. When I was finished, I sat back and took a look at my cr4ppy picture of a bird and I felt sorry for myself. My drawing is always mediocre without inspiration. I can draw the same old thing over and over, but beyond that I am talentless as an artist (a poorly designated term, by the way, in my opinion).

So I ventured, unconsciously, to get something beneficial out of the experience. I scratched a lightning bolt atop my drawing, I zapped the bird. And I scribbled all over his stern, strangely human face, his unnaturally plump body, and his gangly, disproportioned legs. [Firefox says it's dis-, but I don't see why mis- won't work. Then again, it also says "gangly" is not a word.] I covered him with fire and brimstone (and smoke !). That bird was scorched good.

Why did I spoil my drawing so ? Well, for one it was cr4p. For two (a phrase which I don't think I've ever used before; logically, it works, but it still sounds odd), I had been bottling up my anger (of course .. what else can you bottle up ?) for quite some time. And sometimes all you really need is to destroy something, to make you feel a whole lot better about yourself. I unleashed my frustration on that paper, and when I was all scrawled out I took one look at the resultant mess and I smiled. I had ki11ed two birds with one stone, and I was refreshed.

[ 11/3 edit : This writing has helped me with my process analysis essay... Step three is Crash and burn. I even quoted myself. Amn't I special ? ]

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