tiny handprints

subject: reinvention
style: inspired
source: Christopher Gardner, The Pursuit of Happyness

"Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. All right ? You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you, you can't do it. If you want something, go get it. Period."

[Wow, has it been two weeks already ? And I'm still in Exodus ... -_-]

I listened to a man the other day, speak about stories .. how they originate, why we tell them, and what they do for our lives. He revealed that they follow the same patterns, time after time: they express our innermost feelings, hopes, fears, concerns, anxieties. And I think the hopes prevail. He made me recognize that it is the "tiny handprints" (inside reference) that get us along -- the symbol of everyone helping each other, bit by bit, one step at a time .. simply because we all need someone else to help us.

I shall now relay a recent experience of mine. It is one I will no doubt tell you more about later, but not one I particularly enjoyed. It culminated with my adversary spitting out the classic line, "Are you happy ?" My first instinct, of course, was to take it to heart. And the obvious answer is no. But I need to ask myself, why ? What is standing in my way ?

I am not happy because, blank.

It was the blank that got me. That blank has for the longest time plagued my idle thoughts, and tugged at my heartstrings. At the time, and for a while beforehand, as well as thereafter, my answer was:

[I am not happy because] they wrench away my chance at contentment, with the pressures and oppression they force upon me.

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night. I knew it was going to be a good one; I've been wanting to see it for the longest time. But this went far beyond good. The story inspired me beyond belief. It made me realize how blessed I am (literally or otherwise), and how much I have screwed up my life by not living it to the fullest. And now, after watching that glorious movie, I realize what the real reason is, to complete my sentence:

[I am not happy because] I allow these restrictions to dictate who I am, how I live my life, how I deal with hardships, and how I feel inside, about my self and my future.

So I said to myself, I have really got to simplify. Yes, I know it is the middle of July, but these are my resolutions. Better yet, these are my foot-down decisions .. since resolutions by nature feel far-off, distant, and low in urgency -- they are something we feel good about starting on, for three days or so, but we never follow up on our words. These, on the other hand, I will enforce immediately. These are for right now, tomorrow -- even today. These are essential. These are for real. These are my tiny handprints.

1. I will not let these words control my mind, and all my thoughts -- but I will love them still as my babies.
2. I will send a personal message to all those who have deserved it for far too long.
3. I will love my friends for who they are, because they are absolutely amazing.
4. I will not make such a big deal out of everything -- and I will not think quite so much.
5. I will learn that it doesn't all need to be perfect -- and I will see the beauty in the imperfections.
6. I will treat every new day not as my last, but as my best.
7. I will not rest until I can see my girlfriend again -- and I will hug her until we both turn purple.
8. I will not go out of my way to color-coordinate my pajamas.
9. I will go back and find the friendly Harvard man at the library, and I will tell him: I want to write.
10. I will find better things to do with my time, once in a while.
11. I will make every minute special -- but I will not dwell on my mistakes.
12. I will finally come back down to Earth.
13. I will pray for Isabella, who art in Heaven.
14. And after all that is said and done, then, but only when I have settled down and I feel I am good and ready, then will I come back here and share my love with you beauties. And I will love it with all my heart.

There. 14 promises, on the 14th day .. for 14 is a special number just the same. (They all cry out for a little recognition from time to time.)

The ultimate goal of every writer is to captivate his reader; to bring someone into his inner sanctum and to allow him to experience the same glorious emotion possessing his spirit in that moment; to have that single personal feeling expressed through his work, and through his thought-out words and clauses: through an entirely different kind of medium. Or at least to get remarkably close. I dearly hope that for you, this I will achieve.