in a vacuum

"Antimuse"

Antoine

My antimuse sits perched on my shoulder

Whispering in my ear (nay, straight to mind)

The longer I pretend to call myself a writer

The more intense his admonitions grow

If you can't read, you can't write

This mantra is becoming ever more concrete

But I like to write, why should I need to read ?

You need to read to write

Everyone knows this

You know, he tells me, you cannot not fail

Think hard about this

You can't even read a novel

You took three years to read a novel

How can you possibly expect to write one ?

Revision requires a read-through

Everyone knows this

You need to read to write

If you can't read, you can't write

Not well at any rate

I've written plenty of poetry

But is it good ?

It has never shone to me as adamantly

As swiftly now it strikes a blow

And knocks me out

That if I want to stay in English

At all

My poetry needs – needs – to be

Really ... really ... good.

Because I can't fall back on revision

I can't decide to switch to shorts or novels

If I want to write, I'm stuck

With poetry as my only choice

It's all that's short enough

If I want to write, I have to write poems

Since I am inept

As my antimuse continues to remind me

I am inept, he assures me I am

Inept

In a vacuum, if you'd ask your self

Is it harder to read or to write ?

The answer is of course

To read is child's play

To write is a thing reserved for the elite

But I myself live backward

I live – if I live –

Backward live I

I write, right ? I do write

I have the right to write

But have no right to read

I lack the rote I need

To read

Or so my antimuse tells me